Concrete Anchor Strap:

Definition: A Concrete Anchor Strap is a
disposable concrete anchor that is installed before concrete is poured and is
designed for a single use.

Word Origin: Sounds like mister creative came up with this name… This could be the most unoriginal name I’ve
ever heard in the fall protection industry. Sure, I’ll make fun of names that are a bit over the top, but this one
is just blah.

Seriously, some guy with no personality, thick black
glasses, and a short sleeved collared white shirt with a pocket protector, and
armpit stains must have come up with this riveting classification. It is what it is.

Analysis: The Concrete Anchor Strap is quite
generic, but at the same time it’s not supposed to be an elaborate display of
fall protection technology. It does
what it’s supposed to do, and the bells and whistles are pretty limited. Let’s put it this way, if you’re looking for
an anchor with WiFi and a coffee grinder, you’re looking at the wrong thing.

Designed to be disposable, this anchor’s feature set includes
a very attractive and economical price point. On my personal level of price attractiveness I’d give it a 9. (A 10 is
free.) At around ten dollars or less,
these anchors can really get the job done, and for a guy like myself who’s sewn
two old eye patches together to make a sleeping mask for my mother’s birthday… Trust me, I know a good deal when I see one.

The anchor installs easily before concrete is poured and
is often laced around a piece of rebar. Most commonly used in posts this strap can be used on anything that will
support, you guessed it, 5000 lbs. When they job is complete simply cut the D-ring from the wall and your
done. You can patch the hole if you
need to, but I like to leave it as a little birthmark.

As far as the meager options… Abrasion resistant padding or bare ass? D-rings or loops? Yep
that pretty much covers it. It’s just
like going to a Barry Manilow concert, what do you want? Crap or crap?

Disclaimer: This post in no way implies that Barry
Manilow is a poor musician. We here at
the Snug Harness have the utmost respect for Mr. Manilow and his new hip. We’d just like our audience to know that he’s
no Herb Alpert… or Neil Diamond for that matter… “She got the way to move me
cherry!”

Similar Terms:
Anchor Strap
Asphalt Girdle
The Petrified D-Ring
The Cement Thong (only kidding!)

Word Associations:
Concrete Anchor Strap: You mean a bra strap?
Concrete Anchor Strap: You’ve made an anchor out of concrete? Won’t it break?

So, there you have it. I hope you appreciated our dissection of the Concrete Anchor Strap,
and we’ll be back again next week with another word. Thanks for stopping by the
Snug Harness, where it’s always hot and sweaty. You never know what you might find in the Snug
Harness’ world of construction and fall protection.

Technorati Tags: anchor strap, concrete anchor strap, fall protection

Double-D Concrete Anchor:

Definition: A Double-D Concrete Anchor is a
reusable concrete anchor that can be installed into a concrete form providing
one or two person tie off point.

Word Origin: It would sound to me like this name originated from a very lonely man,
or a very large chested man. Or a man
who wanted a very large… Well you get the point. Now, I don’t what to go into all the details exactly why this
name is funny to individuals like myself, but let’s just say it has something
to do with body parts I hope to see some day…fingers crossed.

I can honestly say that I don’t think that this is the
breast name for a fall protection anchor, but I wouldn’t want to sit here and
udder on and on like a boob trying to come up with or remember a more
serviceable name. Besides, I have a bad
mammary. Ok, enough with the puns…eh.

Analysis: The Double-D Concrete Anchor is
actually very unique in the fact that two workers can be allowed to tie off
simultaneously to this anchor. This is
almost unheard of, but you’re hearing it now because I’m telling it to you. Oh, and it’s easy to install.

You simply insert a piece of 1 in. PVC pipe into a concrete
form and when it dries…it’s ready. You
then slide the anchor through the pipe, screw the ends and it’s done. Seriously, it’s that simple. I barely used the instructions…but that’s
not really saying much.

Hey, this anchor can also be used as an anchor point for a
horizontal lifeline system. Yep, Henry
will be drying his underwear on the job site because you decided to put up a
horizontal lifeline. Hell, you can even
use a retractable on this anchor…beautiful. Ironically that’s the first thing I think when I see the Double-D.

Oh, and for those of you cheapskates out there, this anchor
is completely reusable. Except, of
course, for the PVC pipe. Although that
shouldn’t be a problem, it’s not like PVC pipe is like gasoline or solid gold
for that matter. But, if it was… never
mind.

Disclaimer: This post in no way implies that you
should haphazardly rush through instruction manuals. The greatest care should be taken when assembling fall protection
equipment. Trust me, no one wants to
end up with Peanut Butter in their VCR because they didn’t read the directions.

Similar Terms:
Dual O-Ring Anchor
Cleavage Claw
The Droopy D
Triple-TeeTee Tie Off (only kidding!)

Word Associations:
Double-D Concrete Anchor: Jeez, they’re not that hard.
Double-D Concrete Anchor: Is that the bra they use when implants go bad?
Double-D Concrete Anchor: Does it come with a push-up portion?

So, there you have it. I hope you appreciated our dissection of the Double-D Concrete Anchor,
and we’ll be back again next week with another word. Thanks for stopping by the
Snug Harness, where it’s always hot and sweaty. You never know what you might find in the Snug
Harness’ world of construction and fall protection.

Technorati Tags: concrete anchor, double d anchor, fall protection

C-Slab Grabber:

Definition: A C-Slab Grabber is a guardrail post that can be conveniently attached to concrete decking to create a passive form of fall protection.

Word Origin: I don’t know what it is about this product name, but it sounds like a tool that’s used in a liposuction procedure. “Nurse could you hand me the C-Slab Grabber, so I can move this fat out of the way!”

I was later informed that the “C” in C-Slab Grabber stands for concrete. I was under the
impression it stood for Chubby. Either way, it’s an uncomfortable name for a fall protection product. I casually mentioned the C-Slab Grabber in a conversation with my mother and she gave me a swift jab to the face.

Analysis: The C-Slab Grabber is a breath of fresh air in the fall protection industry, which is normally monopolized by the faint smell of buttocks and diluted coffee. The fact of the matter is simple, concrete is becoming an even bigger part of commercial construction, and a couple of toothpicks attached to concrete decking with some half assed epoxy doesn’t cut it anymore.

The beauty of the “Slabber” is that is tightened directly to the concrete slab in what can only be described as a giant clamp. Finally, a solution that doesn’t involve screwing! (There’s a first for everything.) Time after time I have seen guys try to screw things that shouldn’t be screwed, and it ruins as many lives as it saves. This product can eliminate this hassle with awesome results.

Not only is this fall protection simple to use, it is powder coated and it appears to be of a superior quality. I have a feeling the Slabber will hold up to the use and abuse of any rough jobsite. Thus making this an economical purchase, unlike your wife’s last pair of shoes.

Disclaimer: This post wishes to apologize to those individuals that smell like buttocks. If you are one of these individuals, you probably think I’m talking about someone else.

Similar Terms:
C-Lump Snatcher
Grout Gripper
The Chunk Hooker
The Concrete A-Holder (only kidding!)

Word Associations:
C-Slab Grabber: Who’s Slab?
C-Slab Grabber: You mean a dirty old man?
C-Slab Grabber: Are you referring to my hand?

So, there you have it. I hope you appreciated our dissection of the C-Slab Grabber , and we’ll be back again next week with another word. Thanks for stopping by the Snug Harness, where it’s always hot and sweaty. You never know what you might find in the Snug Harness’ world of construction and fall protection.

Technorati Tags: c-slab grabber, fall protection, passive fall protection

Snug Harness:

Definition: A snug harness is a warm and cozy
place, where strategic parts of the body are pressurized just past the point of feeling. It is often accompanied by itching and frequent body adjustments. See Also; an online store specializing in fall protection.

Word Origin: Who knows where this name comes from? Actually I have some good ideas, but we’ll keep it above the waist.

Analysis: The Snug Harness is a terrible name for an online store selling fall protection. Seriously. What is this? The home for every pervert with a whip? Sounds more like a club of ill refute than a respectable place of business.

When I told my Mother what the name of the new store was she spit out her coffee at me. Of course I wasn’t wearing pants at the time so who knows. All I know is that I had third degree burns on my nipples for five weeks. Which really turned off the ladies. I went from thirty girls a week to like twelve. (Editor’s Note:These numbers are unsubstantiated, and our research indicates that the numbers are closer to zero and negative five.)

So let me re-affirm to everyone that the Snug Harness is not a brothel, to my knowledge, it’s a respectable business that sells fall protection to individuals working at heights. Much to my disappointment, they do not sell swords and shields for individuals that fear autumn.

Disclaimer: This post in no way implies that burn victims are undesirable to women. I
haven’t been able to ask any ladies how it really makes them feel.

Similar Terms:
The Muscle Muzzle
The Body Thong
The Rusty Saddle
The Pinched Ball (only kidding!)

Word Associations:

Snug Harness: He was my favorite American Gladiator.
Snug Harness: You mean lederhosen?
Snug Harness: Does it come with Vaseline?

So, there you have it. You’ve learned very little about our new online store. I hope you appreciated our dissection of another fall protection word, and we’ll be back again next week with another word. Thanks for stopping by the Snug Harness, where it’s always hot and sweaty. You never know what you might find in the Snug Harness’ world of construction and fall protection.

Technorati Tags: fall protection, fall protection equipment, snug harness

The Beamguard:

Definition: The Beamguard is an anchorage system that is placed atop a beam. Nuff Said.

Word Origin: I’m not sure where the name comes from, because in fact, this device does not guard the beam. From what I understand, two ton steel beams can normally protect themselves. Perhaps this word is meant to imply that you have a “guard” up there helping and watching you. It’s probably a good thing that it’s an inanimate object though, can you imagine how awkward it would be to have a uniformed guard watching everything you did? (Stay out of prison kids!)

Analysis: The Beamguard is mounted on top of a beam that is suspended some distance in the air. The main advantage that this product has over other products on the market, besides its good looks, is its ability to be used it in a horizontal lifeline system. You heard me right. Not only can this be used as a horizontal lifeline system, it also protects two workers in fall restraint. That means both workers could fall off simultaneously, and the Beamguard says, “not today work buddies!”

Another strong feature is its pole, it’s at an angle and that’s a good thing. The angled pole allows workers to pass by it while walking on the beam without having to mount, side step, or jump over it.

Unfortunately, the Beamguard can’t move with you (it’s lazy and sluggish). But in all reality, who cares? You can establish a horizontal lifeline, and voila, you can walk the beam baby! If you do need to move it don’t worry, it’s easy. The Beamguard won’t put up a fight; it doesn’t know how, and it doesn’t have fists. Now, just as the Beamguard is easy to move, it’s also easy to install. No tools necessary. So if you’ve ruined or lost all of you tools building a killer sand castle, don’t worry.

Disclaimer: This post in no way implies that a straight pole is a bad thing, it just means that you’re going to have to work with it a little more, and you must be extremely careful when moving around it.

Similar Terms:
Beam Sentinal
PolePatrol
The Thing on The Thing
The Shaft Stand (only kidding!)

Word Associations:
The Beamguard: Sure, I’ll take one. I’m going to be working on my television remote later and I don’t want that beam melting my retina.
The Beamguard: Are those people in a lumberyard that make sure you don’t steal and beams?
The Beamguard: No thanks, I’m sterile.

So, there you have it. It turns out that this product could actually save some lives. I’ll keep you updated. I hope you appreciated our dissection of the The Beamguard, and as always we’ll be back again next week with another word. Thanks for stopping by the Snug Harness, where it’s always hot and sweaty. You’ll never know what you might find in the Snug Harness’ world of construction and fall protection.

Technorati Tags: beamguard, fall protection, steel anchor

Tongue Buckle:

Definition: A Tongue Buckle is a fastener used on a harness, most commonly around the legs, that closely resembles a belt buckle for your pants.

Word Origin: As with most words in this industry, I have absolutely no idea where this name came from. I can kind of understand the choice of “tongue” because half of it just hangs there, like a tongue falling out of a womanizer’s mouth, but my question is this, why use the word tongue when there are several other body parts that simply “hang there?” Actually, now that I think about it, I believe the name is derived from a series of educational films called, “The Tongue Bucklers.” I’ve only seen the 5^th one, it was ok, but I expected a little more from the plot. There was too much heart pounding action going on and the story about the plumber was underdeveloped.

Analysis: The Tongue Buckle, which is most commonly used for the legs straps on a harness, can also be used for the waist buckles on some harnesses. The tongue buckle’s long lost brother is the belt buckle for pants, but sadly, very large ornamental cowboy buckles are unavailable for harnesses.

One of the advantages of the tongue buckle is its ability to get the buckle much tighter than you would on other buckles, such as a mating buckle. Apparently, some guys like it tight. None of my business.

One of the problems with tongue buckles, is that they’ll never be exact, because if there isn’t a grommet there you can’t buckle it there. You’ll try to buckle it, fail, and end up saying the same thing your dad said when he got finished building a spice rack for your mother, “Eh, that’s good enough.” Unfortunately, that’s not good enough. Another problem with the tongue buckle is that they will eventually stretch out (over a long period of time), or you might run out of grommets to put your shaft through if you gain or lose weight.

Tongue buckles can be pretty darn secure, especially if you fasten them tight enough, but a lot of workers feel they take too much time to put on. I don’t know about that, but if you are concerned about it, look for something with a quick connect buckle. Look, it can’t be worse or take more time than watching your Uncle Stephen trying to squeeze into a pair of spandex that were mislabeled as extra large when they were clearly a child size, and you spend the rest of the day wishing he had been wearing underpants.

Disclaimer: This post in no way implies that individuals who like tight buckles are disgusting. It’s a personal preference and I respect that, but it should never be discussed with the three-person audience that The Snug Harness entertains. If you want to discuss tight buckles further, call me.

Similar Terms:
The Buckle Hole
The Hole Damn Buckle
The Shaft In Eye Buckle
The Hung Buckle (only kidding!)

Word Associations:
Tongue Buckle: I don’t care for piercings.
Tongue Buckle: I believe that’s a delicacy in some countries.
Tongue Buckle: Why would I need a buckle for my tongue, unless by tongue, you mean another part of my body? (Wink.)

So, there you have it. You learned about a new buckle for your harness. It’s has pros and cons, and hopefully we made a decision for you a little easier. I hope you appreciated our dissection of the Tongue Buckle, and we’ll be back again next week with another word in the “buckle series.” Thanks for stopping by the Snug Harness, where it’s always hot and sweaty. You never know what you might find in the Snug Harness’ world of construction and fall protection.

Technorati Tags: fall protection, safety harness buckle, tongue buckle

The SkyHook:

Definition: The SkyHook is a permanent anchor point on a flat or pitched roof.

Word Origin: The SkyHook? What am I? Kareem Abdul-Jabaar? I’m not too sure where this name came from, but I’m sure someone at Guardian Fall Protection is a pretty big basketball fan. (Note: That comment was not meant to imply that the lover of basketball at Guardian Fall protection is of a larger stature.) Another possible explanation for the name could be the hook accident of ’75, in which thousands of tiny hooks fell from the sky. Although, I highly doubt that a company priding itself on safety would name a product after the biggest hook disaster since 1912.

Analysis: The product is very useful. It’s a permanent anchor, so when Joe Moron needs to clean his gutters, he also has the choice to keep himself alive. He’ll probably choose no, but I’ve seen his wife.

Also, you can use this sucker on residential and commercial jobs, on almost any pitch, and on wood, metal, and concrete roofs.

Another nice feature of the SkyHook is its ability to work as both a fall arrest and fall restraint device. Surprisingly, fall arresting someone does not require a college degree. Makes you wonder how safe our streets are?

A possible flaw is the color. Who wouldn’t want a big yellow hook sticking up from the roof? I don’t know how big of an issue this is though? I mean if it’s ugly, they must be putting all of their effort into making it safe. They must not have time to focus on aesthetics. Besides, everyone knows ugly girls are the nicest. The good thing is that it’s powder-coated, and is durable in the weather.

The SkyHook can also be set up in a horizontal lifeline system, allowing four workers to be kept away from the edge of a roof in fall restraint (This doesn’t mean you’re on a leash does it?) And for those of you wondering how often the cable might break or come loose, if the cable is tied correctly, it shouldn’t go out. This isn’t Dish Network.

Disclaimer: This post in no way implies that you need to get your TV channels from a local cable provider. I just assume that you, like me, swear when a branch blows in front of your satellite and you miss Richard Simmons’ acceptance speech at the 2004 “Help Me! I’m Chubby Awards!” when he’s honored for his lifetime achievement.

Similar Terms:
The Permanent Roof Anchor

For Fun:
The Slam Dunk
The Guy Hook
The Oily Thigh Hook

Word Associations:
The SkyHook: What happened to the SkyClasp?
The SkyHook: Do you have to do it in a plane? Because if so, then no.
The SkyHook: I am looking! I don’t see anything! I… DON’T… UNDERSTAND… YOUR… BROKEN… ENGLISH.

So, there you have it. It turns out that this word is an interesting approach to a very useful product. I hope you appreciated our dissection of the SkyHook, and as always we’ll be back again next week with another word. Thanks for stopping by the Snug Harness, where it’s always hot and sweaty. You’ll never know what you might find in the Snug Harness’ world of construction and fall protection.

Technorati Tags: fall protection, roof anchor, skyhook

SP-Anchor:

Definition: A SP-Anchor is a roof anchor made of galvanized steel that is capable of fitting any roof. It is the piece of equipment you lanyard attaches to.

Word Origin: Holy Insert Joke Here Batman! Where did this word come from? For those of you, who are two steps behind, let me catch you up. The SP-Anchor sounds harmless at first, but when you say it without the hyphen it instantly becomes “spanker.”

Let the speculation begin. My original thought was that one of the product developers brought his demo home and found a different use for the flexible steel, leaving spotty welts everywhere he went.

After literally hours of tantalizing debate in my office, I concluded that this probably was inaccurate (the door was only closed for approximately 45 seconds). I then analyzed the initials “SP.” Could it possibly mean “self propelled?” I don’t think that is the image they’re looking for, and in fall protection, nothing should be propelled off of the roof. I concluded that the “SP” is an abbreviation for “specialty” anchor. So special, in fact, that you can throw it away.

Analysis: The SP-Anchor is a great tool for construction workers on the go. These are some of the few roof anchors that are disposable. They’re disposable like Ford Pintos, although the SP-Anchor won’t burst into flames when it’s thrown away. I think tt’s about time somebody made a roof anchor that isn’t an investment. Look, for the price of 1/20^th of a cup of coffee a day, you can have your very own SP-Anchor. See, it’s economical. Now, a contractor can put safety in their bids without blowing the job. Watch it.

The SP-Anchor can fit any pitch roof. I’m unsure if it can hit a B flat, which can get pretty high, but I do know that you can buy these in advance and you’ll always have the perfect anchor. The SP-Anchor nails or screws directly into the truss, and is as secure as any other anchor. It meets every applicable standard for fall protection, even the unpopular standards like: “This product must have a funny name.” It’s even constructed of galvanized steel, which is pretty sturdy for a disposable product, especially since a large amount of disposable products are made of bubble wrap. Luckily, someone at Guardian had the foresight to see that a bubble wrap roof anchor was impractical, no matter how fun it might’ve been.

How do you dispose of it? Well, there are two ways. You can hammer the top over the side or you can unscrew the screws and take it out. It’s just that simple, unless, you nailed it into the truss and want to take it out completely. Yanking on that with a crow bar or the back of your hammer could send you spiraling off the roof with the anchor you just uninstalled. Overall, the SP-Anchor has some great features, but I’m sure people would save more money getting something that they can reuse.

Disclaimer: This post in no way implies that you should throw away an entire Ford Pinto without first consulting your local waste management facility for proper pickup procedures. Trust me it will never fit in a garbage can no matter how hard you try. By the way, does anyone need thirty crushed garbage cans?

Similar Terms:
Pitch Me Peak Clamps
Expendable Housetop Holds
The Banger (only kidding!)

Word Associations:
SP-Anchor: No, I don’t have a boat.
SP-Anchor: Wasn’t she on the Golden Girls? I think she played Dorothy.
SP-Anchor: I don’t think I should right now, that’s meant for the bedroom. Right honey?

So, there you have it. This word is a useful product in fall protection, but some might consider it wasteful and laborious. Unfortunately, that’s not something I can decide for you, but we are one step closer to fall protection divinity. Even though we’ve got miles to go, I hope you appreciated our dissection of the SP-Anchor, and as always we’ll be back again next week with another word. Thanks for stopping by the Snug Harness, where it’s always hot and sweaty. You never know what you might find in the Snug Harness’ world of construction and fall protection.

Technorati Tags: fall protection, roof anchor, sp-anchor

Harness:

Definition: A Harness is a series of webbings that are used to secure a worker to a rope and then an anchor point in order to prevent a fall.

Word Origin: There is something about the word “harness” that just seems tight and restrictive. Snug, if you will. I believe the word “harness” was chosen because of its ability to control and handle the awesome power of fall protection. The word “harness” alludes to the reigning in of something that is about to spiral out of control, much like your drunk Uncle Larry lying on the bed of coats at your next family gathering. The word might also come from a Dutch word meaning, “A device that raises and lowers the warp threads on a loom.” Who knows?

Analysis: When most people think about fall protection, they immediately think of harnesses (and falling). A harness is merely a set of straps that a worker dons before ascending more than six feet above the next available level. Six feet is the standard established by OSHA at which a fatal fall could occur. Although, from what I understand, a five-foot fall could do a considerable amount of damage to what society has labeled, “little people.” Every harness contains a D-ring that is placed roughly in the middle of the back. A lanyard is then attached to the D-ring. The other end of the lanyard is attached to some sort of anchor point, and then the man jumps into the tub. What is this, the game Mousetrap?

There are a couple re-occurring problems with the harness. One is that no one is absolutely positive how a harness goes on. They get tangled and you end up looking like a horse’s ass, but that might be the result of the hot pink sweat pants you wore to work.

However, the tangled mess problem is something that a lot of fall protection companies are working on right now. Another problem associated with the harness, is the stigma of wearing one. For some reason various construction workers feel that wearing a harness somehow makes them weak, as if you’re stripping away their super powers. Everyone pretty much knows that humans can’t fly right? They must think that a “real man” should be able to stay balanced. Have you ever seen a construction worker get dressed? If they put on a pair of pants in the morning and the only thing broken in their bedroom is a lamp, that’s a good day. An additional complaint is comfort. Companies are attacking this hard, but not as hard as the harness seems to be attacking various nether regions of the body. In order to fix this they’re practically stapling posturepedic mattresses to the worker. In short, they can become a bit cumbersome.

As with some of the previous terms, a harness is pretty generic term, and the amount of variations on this piece of equipment are endless. We’ll of course delve into the construction, universal, and every other molded harness on the market at a later date.

Disclaimer: This post in no way implies that you should work thirty feet off the ground with a mattress attached to you, because if a big gust of wind comes, you’re pretty much screwed.

Similar Terms:
Your Royal Harness
Arial Armor
The Sissy Straps (only kidding!)

Word Associations:
Harness: I don’t know how you can claim a sea monster that lives half way around the world as yours.
Harness: Yeah, we put my grandma in one of those when she got sick, so she wouldn’t run away… shuffle away.
Harness: I think my wife wears one of those. I believe she has a class B harness.

So, there you have it. This word is used throughout the business, and is a great staple of fall protection. Even though we’ve got miles to go, I hope you appreciated our dissection of the Harness, and as always we’ll be back again next week with another word. Thanks for stopping by the Snug Harness, where it’s always hot and sweaty. You never know what you might find in the Snug Harness’ world of construction and fall protection.

Technorati Tags: fall protection, falll equipment, safety harness

Lanyard:

Definition: A Lanyard is a line that is attached between an individual and an anchor.

Word Origin: This word sounds exotic, eh? Webster’s defines a lanyard as a cord with a hook at one end used to fire a cannon… I don’t think that’s right. I guess a lanyard in fall protection is a cord too. Although, I’ve got to be honest, the term “lanyard” reminds me of some sort of sweaty spandex that’s been peeled off of a male ballet dancer. It might be a part of the unitard family. Who knows? I’ve also heard it called a “Manyard.” Uh… that sounds pretty lame, and homogenized (Not that there’s anything wrong with that). I don’t think anyone knows where this name might have come from, except for maybe some smart guy. I can only suspect that it came from the ancient Hopi Tribe word, “Ug Lug,” which means “male tail.”

Analysis: When people think about a lanyard most people think about “That Thing” that connects to “The Thing” and “The Other Thing.” That’s exactly what a lanyard is, but let me get a little more specific if I may. “That Thing” refers to the cable, cord, rope, or webbing this makes up the lanyard. I’ve seen them made with just about everything, except for lace. Although lace can provide hours of entertainment, it in no way can support a human body in case of a fall. It may support infants, but an I Beam, thirty feet above the ground is no place for a baby.

“The Thing” refers to the D-Ring on the Harness being worn by the worker and “The Other Thing” refers to the anchor point that the lanyard would be connected to. Some of you are correct in your observation that the concept of a lanyard is very remedial. It is. The problem occurs when you’re presented with the eight million styles, attachments, do-hickeys, bells, and whistles you can buy on them. I think my head almost exploded.

This can be very expansive, so I will only briefly touch on the various options out there. One can buy a lanyard with single, double, triple, and rebar hooks. Surprisingly, ornament, coat, and captain hooks aren’t available yet. Another set of variations are the shock and non-shock absorbing lanyards. I’d like to think that this refers to the amount of insults a lanyard can take, but that’s not the case. You can get stretch lanyards, which are just like stretch pants. You can pull for days and they won’t come off. They even have internal shock lanyards that keep all of their emotions bottled up inside. Lanyards are even available in single and double leg, and some are merely for positioning. I’m not even going to go into a soft pack lanyard. To those of you who thought that was a joke, it wasn’t. As you can see, the options are endless. We’ll dive into them individually later.

Disclaimer: This post must make you aware if your thing can hold up to 400 lbs., you probably have a pretty strong thing; especially if you have a Heavy Duty thing. Your co-workers may be jealous.

Similar Terms:
The Manyard
The Spaniard
The Man Strand
The Expander Man Handler (only kidding!)

Word Associations:
Lanyard: Isn’t that what you try and throw your Lawn Darts into?
Lanyard: Didn’t Mr. T wear a bunch of gold lanyards?
Lanyard: I’m pretty positive that’s a fear of flying, and boating actually. Some people are lanyards. John Madden is a lanyard.

So, there you have it. This word is used throughout the business, and is a great staple of fall protection. Even though we’ve got miles to go, I hope you appreciated our dissection of the Lanyard, and as always we’ll be back again next week with another word. Thanks for stopping by the Snug Harness, where it’s always hot and sweaty. You never know what you might find in the Snug Harness’ world of construction and fall protection.

Technorati Tags: fall protection, safety lanyard, shock lanyards

Retractable:

Definition: A Retractable is hands free lifeline that stays taut, allowing workers to freely move about.

Word Origin: This word is almost a literal translation of what this piece of equipment does. Webster’s defines a retractable as… ugh who cares… it means to take back. That’s exactly what a retractable does. Figuratively though, a retractable is a misplaced phrase that you wish you hadn’t said; such as telling your mother-in-law that her coleslaw tasted like newspaper clippings, or responding to your wife with any answer after she asks if she looks fat in a dress. I would say that whoever came up with this name did not think outside of the box, and we’re probably lucky it’s not called a “cableus retractus.”

Analysis: A retractable is a generic phrase, like I love you. They might as well come in a yellow box with black lettering that reads, “retractable.” The machinery is basically a cable or a line housed in an aluminum frame. A worker will attach the retractable to an anchor point and attach the other end to the D-Ring on their harness. As the worker moves the cable will pull out gradually, allowing the worker to move freely with out getting tripped up by a dragging lanyard. In the event of a fall, a retractable will stop letting out cable and suspend the worker with a breaking system. Unfortunately, they have yet to release a retractable with anti-lock breaks, so watch out for hydroplaning.

That’s about it on a retractable. However, there are some different options out there, like boxers and briefs. Regretfully, I am still unaware of a retractable that exposes as much personal information as a pair of briefs. Retractables come with either cable lines or web lines. Cable lines are basically long ropes of stainless steel cable, and no matter how hard your try; it will never pick up C-SPAN. A web retractable looks like huge roll of seatbelt. Keep in mind that a seatbelt of this size could only be used to buckle a morbidly obese individual to the bow of a cruise ship, in case of an accident.

Retractables also come in a wide variety of lengths. Some say the average American retractable is 6 inches, but I’m not buying it. The smallest I’ve seen was approximately 8 feet long, and some are as big as 100 feet. Trust me, I’ve seen a lot of retractables in my day. If you have a 6-foot retractable, that’s ok, there’s nothing to be ashamed about. A swivel top can also come in handy too, but I’m not going to get into that right now.

Disclaimer: This post in no way implies that you should take your retractable in for an extension. It is a very costly procedure, and often destroys the retractable.

Similar Terms:
The Regrettable
The Forgettable
The Backside Tugger
The Cable Hider (only kidding!)

Word Associations:
Retractable: That cold is getting bad, huh?
Retractable: When some one is so unattractive that the best advice you can give them is to take themselves back out the door. Those people are retractable.
Retractable: Isn’t that when someone gives you back the exact same tractor you gave him or her for Christmas last year?

So, there you have it. This word is used throughout the business, and is a great staple of fall protection. I hope you appreciated our dissection of the Retractable, and as always we’ll be back again next week with another word. Thanks for stopping by the Snug Harness, where it’s always hot and sweaty. You never know what you might find in the Snug Harness’ world of construction and fall protection.

Technorati Tags: fall protection, self retracting lanyard, srl

The Beamer 2000:

Definition: The Beamer 2000 is an anchorage point for I and H beams; used on the top or bottom of said beams.

Word Origin: The name is actually trademarked by Guardian Fall Protection, so that’s a plus. The terminology also creates quite a commotion, but is often misinterpreted. (Many men will be disappointed to learn that The Beamer 2000 is NOT a pill to alleviate certain problems of the male persuasion.) The name is sleek, but at the same time it does nothing to hint or explain its meaning. It could be worse….”The Erector Connector.”

Analysis: The product is ingenious actually, and there are several different versions on the market, that often share different features, and not all of them contain a trademark name. Some of these anchors move with the worker and some do not. In addition, none of the beamers know how to slow dance.

The Beamer 2000 is constructed of precious metals (Aluminum), and therefore attracts no welding splatter. Unfortunately, it does not protect against jelly splatter, so you’ll have to keep John and his sandwich away from your anchor during the lunch break.

Another cool feature of the Beamer 2000 is the complete lack of tools needed to tighten the anchor to the appropriate beam. This can come in handy when a co-worker has stolen your tools. Now, you can free yourself and give him the beating he’s entitled to. Oh, and I almost forgot; it’s an anchor so it’s going to hold you up there in case you fall, provided you’re wearing a harness.

Disclaimer: This post in no way implies that you need any sort of help getting up on the jobsite. I simply assume that once you get up, you’d want to stay up.

Similar Terms:
Beam Clamp
Beam Trolley
Fixed Anchor
The Reamer 3000 (only kidding!)

Word Associations:
The Beamer 2000: I thought the Star Trek convention was last week?
The Beamer 2000: NASA’s got a new ship?
The Beamer 2000: Finally, an updated version of my favorite TV show, “Leave It To Beamer!”

So, there you have it. It turns out that this word is an interesting approach to a very useful product. I hope you appreciated our dissection of the Beamer 2000, and as always we’ll be back again next week with another word. Thanks for stopping by the Snug Harness, where it’s always hot and sweaty. You’ll never know what you might find in the Snug Harness’ world of construction and fall protection.

Technorati Tags: anchor point, beamer 2000, fall protection, steel beam anchor

(Universal works most of the time, except for the time when my uncle Carl bought a baseball hat from Ghost Town, South Dakota. Unfortunately, the hat claimed to be “universal,” but the “one size fits all” failed to expand around his bulbous 25-inch forehead. Apparently one size fits most.)

So, as a service to you, we here at the Snug Harness are going to break down some of the useful terminology and make fun of some of the stupid buzzwords that sales guys use to show you how “great” their fall protection is. So, with out any further ado, let’s pull out the first word from the Snug Harness Word Sack:

SUB-PELVIC STRAP:

Definition: It’s a butt strap on a harness.

Word Origin: This term is what we call a fluff term. In other words, some Ad Wizard was probably paid a hefty sum of money to come up with this name. The funny thing is that it probably took him several weeks, and not the several seconds that the name implies.

Analysis: The “sub-pelvic strap” simply supports your hind end. It’s merely a single 2-inch strap and that’s it. I can almost imagine the comfort. The selling point of a butt strap is to take the pressure off of your legs in the event of a fall. It’s a useful tool, but all the same, it doesn’t really provide comfort in while working, as you might assume. So, if you must be in a harness for an extended amount of time and you’re looking for some better support, invest in a harness with some good back support, such a construction harness. That will definitely take the load off as you sit on your duff.

Disclaimer: This post in no way implies that you have a large posterior. I simply assume that some individuals have more treasure to keep buried.

Similar Terms:
Cradle Seat
Comfort Seat Strap
Tongue to Butt Buckle (only kidding!)

Word Associations:
Sub-Pelvic Strap: What?
Sub-Pelvic Strap: No, I have enough underwear.
Sub-Pelvic Strap: Do roofers really need to wear a jock? What’s next? Community showers?

So, there you have it, the very first term. It turns out that this word is just some stupid word that insults our intelligence. I hope you appreciated our dissection of the Sub-Pelvic Strap, and as always we’ll be back again next week with another word. Thanks for stopping by the Snug Harness, where it’s always hot and sweaty. You’ll never know what you might find in the Snug Harness’ world of construction and fall protection.

Technorati Tags: fall protection, harness strap, safety harness